


Brian And Prejudice

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Crossover, Drama, Ethan Gold Bashing, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-28
Updated: 2006-04-27
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin is 21 years old when he and Brian meet. Brian makes a move, but for the first time in his life he is shut down. However, when Brian and Justin can't seem to avoid each other, it becomes very difficult to forget one another. Loathing turns to respect, and respect turns to - well, love.Ben is Justins older brother, Emmett is the young, flirty one and Debbie and Vic are their parents. Michael is Chris' and Codys brother and Jennifer and Craig are their folks.  Brian is of course Mr Darcy.This is set in the present time, the world as we know it.





	1. Who are they?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: I couldn't resist. I am so sorry, I know I should be working on other pieces, but I - aaargh, I had to write this. For my own sanity. And we wouldn't like to see that sanity gone, now would we. Would we?  
  
Pleaaaaase tell me what you think...  
  
xxxL.  
  
love y'all  


* * *

: Bennett residence : 

"Would you hurry the fuck up ?" Emmett yelled, jumping around the bedroom, too damn excited for his own good. "Em," Ben grumbled. "We will hurry up as soon as you fucking stop jumping around and distracting us with your mumbo-jumbo." Justin gave his brother a sidewaysgrin. He had been ready for ages, but so as not to leave his big bro' in need of help, he was putting on his shoes veeeery slooowly. 

Emmett got the clue and went downstairs to his mom, who was chatting against his dad. Well, supposedly, because his dad had tuned out ages ago and had been nodding every once in a while so as to appear slightly interested. "What?" his mom cried out in despair. "This is not a laughing matter, Victor. I'll have you know that the bubble ball at Babylon is a very respected event and I don't want to see that Stockwell - kid there. He is a bad influence for our babies...H-" Dad shook his head. "I'm not saying it IS a laughing matter, darling, but just leave him BE. Besides, our sons can take care of themselves. They're hardly babies you know. Emmett's turning 16 next month. They aren't scared to speak their mind either and give their opinion very bluntly. Take Justin for example. He's not scared of anything. Ben has the muscles and the strength to fight 'em off and Jim wouldn't come anywhere NEAR our Emmett."   
Victor smiled. That Emmett is something special, but he loved him anyway. In his early days he'd never thought such a powerful love as the one he felt for his sons was possible. After all, he'd married out of obligation, not love. He loved his wife, but sometimes - she'd get on his nerves, to say the least. 

Debbie smiled hesitantly at her husband. He WAS right, her boys were magnificent. The beautiful Ben, the elegant Justin and her precious Emmett, a spitting image of herself at that age. Speaking of her boys - What's keeping them? "Would you hurry the fuck up?" She yelled up the stairs, her words followed by Emmett coming out of the kitchen, a mouthful of ice- cream, saying : "That's what I've been telling them!" Her husband clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Emmett, don't speak with your mouth full, it's not nice to look at." Emmett just shrugged. There wasn't anyone looking, now was there? 

Justin and Ben finally arrived, dressed to the nines. Ben was wearing a Tshirt, that hugged his body very tightly and leather pants that did the same. Justin put on a sleeveless blue shirt and jeans that showed off his bubble but. The shirt makes his eyes stand out of a crowd. And Emmett, well, let's just say that with his pink feather boa and his matching shirt, he'd be hard to miss.

Debbie clasped her hand in front of her mouth. "Ooh, my boys," she cried. " My sweet sweet boys. Who'll be able to resist? You BEHAVE, you hear me?" "Yes," Victor said, rising from his chair and patting his oldest sons on the back, whispering in their ears : "Fall in love, my boys, and seize the day. " 

Ben and Justin grinned. They were planning to do just that.


	2. Meeting

  
Author's notes: Okay, so I'm going to try and add a chapter each day. I know the chapters aren't very long right now, but that'll change. I'm only just beginning *grins*. xxxL.  


* * *

: Netherfield - Kinney and Novotny residence

"Brian!" silence. "Briiiiiiii-aaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Brian sighed. "Yes, Mikey?" His best friend stumbled into his room, his eyes wide in despair. "I don't have a single thing to wear at the ball tonight. Look - Look at this! old stuff. old - ugly stuff!" Brian went to his friends room and smiled at the chaos on the bed : Captain Astro T-shirts (5 of them) and some pants that were all worn down, scrunched all over. There were some nice things too, he had to admit, but nothing fit for a bubble ball at Babylon. "Oh Mikey," he snickered, placing his hands on Michaels shoulders and kissing his forhead, "You are so pathetic. What am I going to do with you?" He laughed while Michael felt reaally uncomfortable, bit his lip and blinked tears back. Brian grabbed his hand and pulled his to his room, threw him one of his decent outfits, that didn't make you look like a...er...man looking for tricks. 

"There," he said."Try this."

Michael skipped to his room, leaving Brian alone once again. He fell backwards onto his bed and stared to the ceiling, studying the cracks and thinking about - stuff. He'd never admit to anyone what he'd think about at times like these. He'd dream about someone to laugh with, to hold, to touch in thát particular way that only lovers have with each other. Tricks were - satisfactional for his needs. His dreams however, had yet to be fulfilled. He buried his head in his hands. Not that he'd find anything like that here in the Pitts. Sighing he stood up and trotted to his bathroom, getting ready to get his needs met. 

: Babylon - the Bubble Ball

The Bennetts

Justin entered Babylon and smiled. Thís was what he'd been waiting for. He closed his eyes and felt the music pulse through his veins. He poked his brother in the ribs. "I'm gonna go get a drink", he said. "WHAT?" Ben yelled back. "I'M" *pointing at himself* "GONNA GO" *making his index- and middlefinger run away* "GET A DRINK" *shaking his hand over his mouth, gesturing 'drinking' * Ben nodded. Pointing at himself and then at a spot in the dancing crowd: "I'M OVER THERE". "EMMETT?" he yelled."EM-" he saw a flash of pink in the crowd and his baby brother attached to it. And then he saw - him. This cute guy with an equally cute butt. They locked eyes for a moment.And that was it.

The moment he fell in love.

* Kinney and Novotny

Michael stood there, his mouth wide open, gawking at the beautiful man across the room. Brian turned around and poked his friend. "Uh?" 'Wow, he's got it bad.' Brian thought and followed Michaels eyes to where a guy was standing, wearing the very same facial expression. 

He chuckled and said to Michael : "Not bad, Novotny, not bad ... NOW GO!" He pushed his friend a bit and watched his autopilot take over and take him to the guy. Brian sighed. Even Michael had found someone. He shook his head laughing and caught sight of a blond as he did. Brian could tell even from this distance that the mans eyes were as deep as oceans and as pure as skies. 

His breath hitched as the very same blues looked his way. Oh God.


	3. If You Believe In Love At First Sight, You Never Stop Looking

  
Author's notes: here's the next chapter. I know it's all starting out very slowly, but that'll change. Oh, I'm also planning to write the next chaps in POV. I'm sorry, it's easier for me to express their feelings that way. Please review...xxxL.  


* * *

* The Bennetts.

Justin smiled up into the eyes of the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. Beautiful, gorgeous indeed, but in his eyes there was something else. A sort of mask, a wall. He could see right through it, down to the heart of him. Looks can be deceiving, he'd learned over the years, especially where he was concerned. People see a happy man, looking at him. A ray of sunshine that lights up a room whenever he walks into it. They never see this loneliness, this craving that consumes his soul. Grinding up against some random guy, he never stops looking.

Emmett was "Praising Jezus" in the middle of the crowd, brushing his pink feathers in the neck of his dancing partner. He loves to dance, it makes him feel alive. The sore feet and morning after- headaches are all worth it. Being here, surrounded by these HOTTIES, could it be any better? 'It could', a little voice murmurs 'if you'd feel for real'. Emmett shakes his head. Too young, too much time ahead of him. Besides, who'd want him? He knew he was a flirt, and he was okay with that. He WAS! At least, until he found the man he really, truly wanted. Then people would see just how persistent a pink boy could be...

Ben looked at the man in his arms - Yeah, in HIS arms. Michael was everything he'd wished for, someone to protect, but admire at the same time. Someone to complete him, to see his flaws and accept them, to love him unconditionally, to - to be with forever. He smiled. He was born into a 'feeling family'. Each of them felt so intensely, so impulsively, so decidedly. When in doubt - feel. Justin was the most intense one. An artist who not only felt, but drew and poured his emotions into it. He sees the world differently. Sees all the inner beauty. When he will fall in love, it will be forever.

* Kinney

He was captivated. Something was different about this man. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but he was determined to find out. Slowly he descended the stairs and went down to where the blond was dancing. Michael found him first, yelling: " Brian!This guy is - incredible. He's so sweet and strong and handsome and - omg Bri! His name's Ben Bennett and he-" Brian huffed a laugh. Ben Bennett? Who on earth would have the guts to call his kid Ben - Bennett. The name sounds familiar though. I know a Bennett. A Tshirt appeared in front of his eyes : 'Bennett's the name, ain't nobody gonna interrupt my game'. A red haired, flamboyant person attached to it. He groaned. Debbie. "Michael, do you even know -" "Have you seen his brothers? Emmett's easily to spot, Ben said, he's all dressed in pink, and Justin's - well, Ben's looking for him, so we just need to find.." He'd already found Emmett, this pink blob in the middle of the crowd. He gets that from his mother, Brian thought bitterly. What kind of family IS this? He didn't even want to see this Justin guy, afraid his eyes might go blind. I mean, who knows, he could be wairing - nothing's worse than pink, but heavy purple or green might be colouring the guy. "Mikey, I'm warning you. This family is out of its mind. I mean, I've seen the mother, she definitely needs her head examined or something. Have you even SEEN Emmett? Crazy folks...Think twice, Michael..."   
Little did he know about his audience, a beautiful blond man standing closeby, out of sight, but not out of hearing range.


	4. The Object Of My Anger

  
Author's notes: Sorry it took me a couple of days, guys. Computers crashing and mad concerts had me tied up. They'll come quicker now. xxxL.   


* * *

JUSTINS POV

He didn't just say that. He couldn't have. I know him and he would not. - No, I realize. I do not not him and he - he did. Damn it, Brian! (The most beautiful name I've ever heard, coming out of his friends mouth.) You don't know us, you fucker. So don't you dare judge. I see my dreams shatter, I feel my heart break. Funny how a heart, not even touched by him yet, can break because of words out of his mouth. Those harsh ones. He is led on by prejudice, and no little voice inside of him dares to object. But I will.

 

You see, the hurt's turned into anger, and I'm pissed off as hell. He'll feel it.  
I promise Mom, Em - he'll feel.

 

BRIANS POV

I could feel him near me. This tingling up my spine told me he was there. So I turn around, expecting to see those pure, shining, sparkling cornflower blues. What I see are indifferent ones, like he never even saw me before. He turns towards the bar, ordering a double beam and downing it in one gulp. The tingling's turned into a feeling of dread, but I know that with the right words, the right body language and the right look in my hazel eyes, I can conquer this - conquer him.

 

"Hey," I whisper, my voice low and husk. "You wanna..." I cock my head towards the dancefloor, the writhing mass of bodies only a few feet away. He looks up, barely noticing me.

 

"No." 

 

Eyes as cold as stone, so different from the ones I'd been drowning in not an hour ago. The eyes that saw right through all of my facades, they - was it real? It was. I felt it. I'd never felt anything so intense.

 

"No?" I quirk an eyebrow and pull my hand through my hair, out of sheer amazement.I just don't understand.

 

and it's starting to piss me off.

 

JUSTINS POV

 

Why does he have to look so goddamn beautiful and why the FUCK is my heart beating this way? 

 

' NO, ' my mind is telling it. ' Don't you dare fall in love with him, you hear me. You hear me?! ' the little voice is shouting, but the beating's just too loud, too fast to listen. Like drums it's rolling, wild horses running, their hoofs shattering the earth below.

 

It's too late now. There's no turning back. 

 

Which is not what my stubborn heart is saying, it stands its ground and even though I was born into a ‘feeling family’, I’ll listen to it. It seems to be right. It is right. Isn’t it?

 

So I shake my head and glare. “No. So now, fuck off, will you?” My voice is authorative and for a moment he seems lost. 

 

Good.

 

Then, after only a split second his mask slips back on. I have a feeling I’ll see it again.

 

BRIANS POV 

 

“Fine.” I tell him, my brows furrowed together. This is not the answer I’d expected. In my world we’d be all hot and heavy on the dancefloor, never keeping our eyes (or hands) off of eachother. 

 

On-standers are gawking at us, which angers me to no end. Nobody’s ever turned me down. before. Before this blond-haired, blue-eyed man did. Who the hell does he think he is? I grin at the most fuckable of our little audience and shout at him : “You up for it?”

 

“Fuck yeah! ” Now, that’s the answer I was looking for. I grab the hem of his shirt and after one final look at the object of my anger (who just shrugs and turns away) we’re off.

 

After a couple of minutes – maybe hours, you never know with that shit from Anita – Michael’s pulling at my arm and yelling at me – I’m not deaf, you idiot! - : “ Brian. Bri –haaan! I want you to meet some people I met.” He pulls me over to the side, pointing towards some people that I frankly don’t give a shit about. He keeps on giving all he’s got though – it’s not much, but annoying anyway. 

 

“You’ve already seen Ben…” (a guy with a lot of muscles – Yiha! – glasses and er… well, anyway, stares at me, nodding once) “ … this is his brother Emmett …” (Well, lookee, it’s the pink blob) “… and his brother Justin.” ( “Justin” turns around and looks right at me. Through me.)

 

Oh Brother. I’m in deep shit trouble.


	5. Remembering

  
Author's notes: Hey, two in one evening, doesn't this make up for the hiatus. Eh? Eeeeh? xxxL.  


* * *

BRIANS POV

 

Justin – beautiful name isn’ – FUCK NO. – stares at me for a split second, disgust visible in his eyes. I groan inwardly. No wonder he wouldn’t dance with me, I realize. I’d just called his family a 24 hour – freak show. However.

 

That doesn’t change the fact that he rejected me. Humiliated me. 

 

Something I cannot forget.

 

JUSTINS POV ~ my big bro’s room

 

I fall down backwards on Bens bed. My hair is falling in front of my eyes so I wipe at it. Ben sits down slowly. He’s glowing. 

 

He sighs. “He’s just… I mean, Michael’s just …”   
“ Cute.” 

 

“Yeah, but also …”   
“Geeky.”

 

“What?”

 

I jump up and dance through the room, walsing with his pillow as my companion. Fetch, who’d just entered the humble abode, barking (it sounds like giggling, Fetch’s always been funny that way) and trying to steal my dancepartner. I laugh. “ Michael’s a princess in distress, oh prince, waiting for you to sweep him off his feet!”

 

(I should’ve been an actor – I’m fucking good at this.)

 

“Well HA. Fucking HA. You’re so hilarious; you little shit.” Ben glares at me, causing me to end the dance abruptly, sigh and roll my eyes dramatically. “He’s great. He really is.” He probably is, you know, if Ben likes him – “Just be careful okay? If he’s anything like that friend of his, I suggest you RUN.” Ben hugs the regained pillow ton his chest. “ DISH!”

 

Yet, late at night, before I go to sleep , I see those hazel eyes, connecting with mine, never letting go. I can feel that feeling again. The feeling of drowning and healing. I feel happy. 

 

I feel whole.

 

BRIANS POV

 

I have drunk a lot of Beam, but his blue eyes won’t stop haunting me. I close my eyes and feel the light wash over me. Seeing those damn blues, I feel myself smiling.

 

Great, now he’s got me smiling. and the worst thing is – 

 

I could get used to this.

 

*

 

Saturday – 3 days later.

 

Not one fucking hour has he been out of my mind. Not. One. I tell myself it’s because of what he did. Not because of who he is. Yeah, that’s right, I’m just pissed off that he’s rejected me. I can’t get it out of my head.  
Yeah.

 

I grumble as I enter the diner, knowing I’ll see his mother there. I’m ashamed of myself, knowing what I’ve called her in front of him. It was no lie, I don’t think, but I shouldn’t have said it like that. Not like that.

 

Waiting for Michael to arrive, I sit down at a booth, figuring I might as well have a cup of coffee to speed things up. I turn around just as the waiter approaches my table. My mouth opens to order, but I shut it again and mumble. 

 

“Justin.”


	6. Touched

  
Author's notes: Sorry! Sorry. But my laptop's gone bazooka again, and I have to write with a pen, and then type it on this big computer. I've written in class today. *smiles*  
Please let me know what you think. xxxL  
  
PS: This chapter's dedicated to Charlotte.  


* * *

BRIANS POV

 

He doesn’t even blink.

 

“Brian.”

 

We stare at each other for about a minute, before I remember what my plan was. “Er – Could I have a cup of coffee? Black.” He nods, as if he already knew what I was taking. The fucker probably did. He turns around to walk away as I try to find something to say, but I can’t. I – why do I want to? I can’t – 

 

I’m finding it very hard convincing myself that I don’t feel a thing.

 

JUSTINS POV

 

He looks at me with those eyes and I can hardly breathe. I have to – get out of here, so I nod and go get his coffee. I can feel his eyes on me and can’t help but feel my stomach flutter. Damn him.

 

I return to his table, trying not to make our eyes meet. He whispers a thanks and our hands touch on the coffee mug. I feel a jolt but don’t let go. I can’t let go.

 

I have to see him now. Have to look into his eyes and see the things that he is feeling. So I raise my eyes and what I see in them, it’s…it throws me. We hold eachothers gaze for minutes. hours? A storm is raging through my head and my heart and it’s beautiful.

 

And then the doorbells rings and announces the arrival of .. Michael, I learn after a moment, when he calls Brians name. The hazel eyes change and I can see – regret. He sighs and blinks, clearing his throat and starts with a whisper: “I’m – I’M HERE” Reluctantly, we let go of the cup. We both do. 

 

It shatters on the floor of the diner, immediately followed by my moms yelling.

 

BRIANS POV

 

“What the FUCK was THAT?” We hear Debbies voice shrieking throughout the whole diner. Justin looks at me apologetically, looks over his shoulder and yells back at her: “I got it mom! I dropped a cup of coffee…” Then he looks at me (and at Michael, who’d joined me by now) and says : ” I’ll get you a new one, Brian. Can I get you guys anything else?” (looking at Michael, who’s looking at hím like he’s a pile of dirt.) “Yeah, you go make yourself useful and get me a coffee, two sugar, no milk.” I look at him strangely, surprised at his attitude towards Justin, who’s never done a thing to him. Hell, I’m the one that should be pissed, only – I’m not. “Oh and bussboy…” I could kill him right now. “Try not to let it drop this time.” For the first time in the 16 years we’ve known eachother, I can honestly say that I am ashamed of Michael.

 

So as Justin turns his back towards us, and Michael turns to me with a wide grin, I let him know exactly what I think of his little speech. 

 

JUSTINS POV

 

I’ve only just turned my back, when I can hear Brian going off at Michael. “What the fuck did you do that for?” He growls (there’s no other way to describe it). “ What’s he ever done to you?” I lower my pace, but not so people could notice. “Why are you defending him, Bri? He’s just a little kid, he doesn’t know anything…” Once again Brian jumps to my rescue. “ You don’t know anything about him.” He hisses. “Oh, and you do?” Auch. 

 

Brian stays silent for a few minutes, before answering sadly: “You’re right. I don’t.” He takes a deep breath, before standing up. “ But that doesn’t give you the right to treat him the way you did. Makes me wonder who ‘the kid’ really is. Right now, I think it’s you. “ Thank you.

 

He walks over to the counter and turns to me : “I’ll have my coffee to go, Justin.” I nod twice and fetch him the cup. I blink at him, ’Thank you.’. He cocks his head to the side, a brief smile lightening his features. ‘ It’s okay.’ 

 

And then he’s gone, leaving me with lots to think about.


	7. Stuff And Nonsense

  
Author's notes: I'm so sorry. Still haven't gotten my bloody laptop back. Hold on, this is gonna be a huge chap. xxxL  


* * *

JUSTINS POV

 

My head is in turmoil, but my heart – My heart knows exactly what to think. He saved me. Stood up for me to his friend, his BEST friend since I don’t know when. for me. My father once told me that actions speak louder than words. How much more did his defending me to Michael mean than those stupid words spoken by him at the ball? His voice sounded so sad earlier, when Michael accused him of not knowing me at all. I don’t want to see – or hear – him sad, and if he really is the friend he says he is, neither does Michael. So why didn’t he shut his fucking mouth? 

 

My mind wanders back tot the few minutes before he came in. My hand still tingles from where he touched me. The jolt, the fire burning between us, it was all there, it was all real.

 

It must have been love.

 

The doorbell rings again and I snap my head around, hoping to see Brian walk through the door. (Not bloody likely, but he might have forgotten something.) I sigh when I spot my brothers fussing over some guy. Don’t get me wrong, I love them and am er – quite happy to see them. It’s just that I’d be happier if it would have been someone else. That’s quite nicely said, eh? I walk over to them and that is the exact moment their newfound idol starts staring at me. His piercing green eyes never let go of me. But I don’t feel the thrill, I don’t feel excitement and his eyes are empty aside from the appreciation of me. Ugh, I’m more than some piece of ass, you know.

 

“The usual?” I ask my brothers, and they both nod (the guy’s still staring). “…and what can I get you?” I ask the staring one. He doesn’t answer, so I ask him again, snapping my fingers “ Hey green eyes! Could you help me out?” His mouth opens but instead of answering he whispers with eyes wide : “Goddamn, you’re beautiful.” Uh-oh, here comes mom (she has supersonic ears, I tell ya.). “ There will be no swearing in this diner, young man!” she berates him. ”However, in this case you’re goddamn right, you are.” She pinches my cheeks. ( How ‘Goddamn’ embarrassing). “My Sunshine’s a beauty.” “Sunshine…” he mumbles. “I like that…”. I huff. “ Yeah well you shouldn’t. It’s a name I only allow people who are special to me to use. I’m not sorry to say you aren’t one of them.” I hate this guy already. “Oh SHUSH” My mom tells me. “Young man, we haven’t been properly introduced yet. Hi, I’m Debby, but you can call me Deb if you want to.” “A Waltz for Debbie must have been written especially for you, Ma’am. You seem like an amazing person.” I can’t fucking take this anymore, so I turn around walk away, hearing him practically yell across the diner to get my attention “I’m ETHAN…glad to meet you all.” I roll my eyes and go on working.

 

The very same evening ‘Ian’ is sitting next to me at our dining table, ruining a quiet family supper with tales about all sorts of nonsense. I learn that he’s a fiddler (and a poor one at that), that he’s an only child who’s lost his parents yada yada…. He’s wrapping my family around his greasy finger. My mom keeps on sending me these ‘ I want you to marry him pronto’-looks and it’s just driving me insane. All I can really think about is Brian. He may have insulted my family, but at least he was honest. Unlike the phoney next to me, who keeps on staring at me out of the corners of his eyes. I mean, seriously, I love my mom, but who on earth would tell her that she ‘seems like an amazing person’ after a couple of seconds when talking to her for the first time? Extraordinary - okay. Impressive – fine. Flamboyant – definitely. But telling her a piece of music (that she didn’t even know) was ‘written especially for her’? Please.

 

After dinner, I’m excused from doing the dishes with the words “ Go make sure our guest feels at home.” My eyes beg Ben to come with me, so he does. My father ‘borrows’ me for a moments, looks into my eyes and says : “I don’t trust the guy.” I laugh and pat him on the shoulder. “ You and me both, Dad. You and me both.” I wink at him, then go do as I’m told. I’ll make him feel at home alright. 

 

When I get to the couch in the living room, Ben seems to have taken over my task as conversationalist, so I sit down quietly next to him (Ians eyes have shifted to study my face. God, could he be any more see-through?) and listen to the topic changing to the boyfriend-issues. “So your mother told me you’ve met someone at the Bubble Ball,” he says to Ben. “What’s he like?” Ben shifts uncomfortable, not quite sure to be sharing this with a relative stranger.” Er – “ he begins,” His name’s Michael, he’s short, very cute, very nice ass, er – “. “You wouldn’t happen to be talking about Michael Novotny, would you?” Oh Lord, the bastards know each other. How grand. How ab-so-lute-ly marvellous. Ben nods mutely and looks about ready to take off any minute and just – RUN. “Does he still hang around with Kinney? (at this my head snaps up) Christ, knowing him, he probably does. That lovesick puppy…” I narrow my eyes (Ben has too). “What do you know about Brian?” Oh, this I’ve GOT to hear.

 

His eyes turn towards the kitchen and when he sees that everyone’s still busy, he lowers his voice to tell us : “I know he doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and that he’ll let you down time and time again…” I shake my head and roll my eyes disbelievingly and Ben raises an eyebrow, so fiddleboy continues: “ When I was a kid, my mom used to work for Brians parents, who owned a business together. We went to the same daycare, kindergarten and primary school and spent every moment we could together. Then, when my parents died in that car crash, Brian and his family semi-adopted me. It wasn’t legal, and I’d been adopted by another family, but truth be told, they’d rather I was out of their hands. I had the bruises to prove it. So I was accepted into their family and we were happy for a while. At the age of 14 we met your Michael and the three of us were stronger than ever before. But at 17 everything started to change. Jack Kinney, Brians father, was a very religious man and after I’d announced my desire to become a minister of Church, he started treating me differently. More lovingly. I guess Brian couldn’t accept that, because after his father died, leaving in his will ‘money to take care of my sons and daughter’ Brian refused to give it to me. I couldn’t afford to go to college, so I had to retreat to my other passion : violinmusic.” He sighs. “I needed Brian then and he let me down. It still hurts like hell.” My eyes are popping out of my head at Ethans words. If actions speak louder than words, than what do these told actions mean? Was Brian that cruel to Ethan?

 

And all of a sudden, when I look at Ethan, I feel something else. Pity. Respect. His stories seem much more interesting, and I swoon as he talks about love, and soulmates. We share our thoughts and at the end of the evening, my mind is set on him.My mind, not my heart.

 

BRIANS POV

 

I just don’t get Michael. What’s Justin ever done to him? Justin. I sigh and bury my head in my pillow. That moment, that touch, those eyes, he – How I wish my pride would allow me to apologize to him, how I want to...How scared I am! I’ve never felt these feelings before and they frighten me. Fuck! Keep it together, Kinney. Just keep on..Keep on what? Trying.

 

About an hour later I stumble into the diner and start looking (I’m very subtle, it’s all I allow myself to be) for the blues I’ve dreamt about.I find them at a table, laughing at something his companion said. The smile reaches his eyes and damn it, I want to be the one to put it there. 

again 

and again

and again.

 

Not this guy who doesn’t care about Justin the way I do. If only I could tell him. I walk around the booth where they are sitting, but stop midway as I recognize the jokers voice. Ethan.No – NO. He can’t be here, can’t be talking to the one guy who means something.He’s going to – I have to protect Justin from his lies, his deceit. No doubt he’s already told a bunch of them.about me. He thrown the final punch at everything Justin and I could be. Would be, if it weren’t for “The Pride Of Brian”, a well known fuck-it-up’per in every aspect of my life. FUCK.

 

I’ve stopped walking about 3 minutes ago, and people start to notice. But I will not back down. I will not cop out. So I continue walking and sit with my back towards them, hearing every words, but pretending to be interested in the morning paper instead. “…believe he’s here.” The Fucker says. Well yeah, ‘Ian’, you’re in my territory now. So you got to him first. You’ve promised him forever. Crock of shit. Like someone once said :” And you know that I love you. Here and now, not forever. I can give you the present. I don’t know about the future, that’s all stuff and nonsense.” I won’t make promises that I can’t keep, Justin. But I promise to love. Right here. Right now.

* * *

Disobeing my own decisions  
I deserve all of your suspicions

First it’s yes and then it’s no  
I dilly dally down to duo

But I’ve got no secrets  
that I babble in my sleep  
won’t make promises to you   
that I can’t keep

* * *

JUSTINS POV

Ethan is – romantic, loyal, nice and – boring. My mind is choosing him, but I cannot put Brian out of my heart. The way he froze at hearing Ethan, the way his back tensed, just like that. It’s hard to believe the truth of Ethan, I just can’t – 

 

I need to talk to him, but I’d be damned if I have to take the first step. Maybe. Oh, FUCK THIS.

 

Time to face the music.

 

I find him at the diner (he’s already there these days, which makes me wonder why), but as I open my mouth to say something, he beats me to it. “ Where is he?” He asks, his voice full of something I cannot define. There’s hope in there, and fear. “Not here.’” I answer, my voice starting to betray me and I feel nervous all of a sudden. Christ!

 

“Good.” he mumbles. “Don’t…” I look at him questioningly.”…trust him.” I sit down next to him. “Why?” “I can’t – “ “ NO Brian. Why?” He looks around the diner, then grabs his coat, throws some money on the table, grabs my hand (the feeling returns), pulls me close and whispers next to my ear : ”Not here.” He looks into my eyes and asks : ” You busy?” I shake my head and follow him, my heart beating out of my chest.

 

He takes me to the park and we sit by the water, silence covering us both for minutes, until he says (somewhat nervously, but still so goddamn beautiful) “I er – it’s..hard to tell you, nobody knows this but me and my sister, Michael knows a part of it. Ethan, he – I know he told you things about me, but he – he’s good with words.” He laughs. “ As you can see, I’m not. But I want you to know the truth. I need you to.” 

 

There was desperation in his voice. He sounded so fragile, so broken. That’s the moment I realize not a word of Ethan has been true. His tales all drenched in lies. Hollow promises.

 

Actions speak louder than words. They really do.

 

BRIANS POV

 

Justin nods and I exhale a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. I look into his eyes for a moment, before looking away quickly. I saw trust.

 

“Ethan and I grew up together, because his mom worked for my parents. We were good friends, we were like brothers. He was the one I’d turn to when – “ I swallow hard, reluctant to remember what I’d tried to forget. He puts his hand on mine and I’m still amazed by the feelings a simple touch from him can bring. “-When I got bruised again by my fathers hand. (his hand doesn’t leave mine. it gives me the courage to continue.) When his parents died, he practically came to live with us. I was so scared for him, I didn’t want him to get h-hurt the way I did. I’d kept my sister safe, but how could I take the punches for them both? Turns out I never had to. Ethan was the son my dad had always wanted. The son he never had. He never raised his hand at him, but that didn’t stop him in my case. Don’t get me wrong, Ethan felt bad about that, but you know, we were kids…And nobody argued with Jack Kinney.. We met Michael, and we were so happy. We were so …” My voice cracks, but Justin doesn’t say a thing. Just keeps his hand resting there. Can he read my mind? “ And then Ethan announced he wanted to be a priest. My mom and dad were so glad – so proud of their son. My dad promised Ethan the world and he accepted it. But then my dad died, and all that was left of him was his money. ‘ money to take care of my sons and daughter’, he called it in his will. We each had a certain sum added to our account. Ethan spent it all, but not on college tuitions and consorts. I don’t know what he spent it on. He claimed he never wanted to become a priest, but that he’d wanted a bit of love from the old man. He had gotten lots of love before. Instead of the kisses he got, I got kicked. He came to me demanding more of my fathers money, claiming it was what my dad would’ve wanted. He was ready to loan some of my sisters money and mine, calling it ‘an act of brotherlove’. My sister was still in highschool and she needed the money more than anything. I was starting my own business and I needed to take care of my mother, who’d become a widow. So I tried to offer him alternatives, but he’d hear none of them. He started yelling, crying, we fought. He ran. We didn’t see him again for 3 years, when he started contacting my sister Lindsay again. He told her of love, of soulmates, being meant for eachother, and Lindz, who’d never been in love, trusted him. She was 17 at the time. When I heard the things he’d told her, I warned her. He was full of shit. Ethan’s gay. He likes men and ONLY men. But she wouldn’t listen to me and ran away with him to New York. He was her first time. She was his. It could’ve been romantic, had he not ran away again after a while, with her creditcard stuffed in his pocket. He took a lot of money and left her. She was pregnant, alone and scared. She was so sad and has never recovered from his lies. She had the baby, a beautiful son, named Gus. He looks nothing like his father. “ I frown. “He didn’t just hurt her, you know. He was one of the best friends I’d ever had. He left me with a bunch of trust issues. Maybe you’ve noticed.” I smile sadly. He squeezed my hand, looked at me and smiled. Nodded. 

 

Lay his head on my shoulder until the evening came.


	8. Orange Skies Cover Heavens Secrets

  
Author's notes: None! Other than - I got my laptop back. Yeeeej! Song I listened to on repeat while writing this chap : David Gray - As I'm Leaving  


* * *

JUSTINS POV

 

I rest my head, my hand and my heart with him and he is – we are... I can’t describe these feelings, but I know that I don’t want them to end. He shifts and places his arm around my shoulder. We sit like that for hours and I know I have to go, I do, but I can’t seem to get myself to leave.

 

“I – “ I start and he turns his head to look at me, with those beautiful hazels of his. “ I have to go. My mom’s waiting for me, and...” “Ethan.” He finishes my sentence. “ Yeah.” He takes his arm off of my shoulder and I mourn the loss of it. He sits up straight and I swear, I can feel a chill up my spine. 

 

“Brian.” I squeeze his hand and force him to look at me. “ Brian, I don’t care about him. I don’t I care about...” He snaps his head around and I think I’ve said too much, that he isn’t ready for this, ready for me. But on his face I see a look of curiosity, and hope. So I go on, whispering ”..you.”

 

In his eyes I find relief, and a thunderstorm of feelings. for me. 

 

BRIANS POV

 

He cares about me. Aside from Michael and my sister, nobody has ever. Not really. They’ve cared about my money, my image or my dick. Justin seems to care for the man inside. I even think he loves him.

 

I see doubt written in his eyes, and I know he thinks he’s said too much. He’s said enough. 

 

I smile at him, take his head in my hands and softly kiss his nose, then his lips. It’s a tender kiss. Which suprises me, because Brian Kinney doesn’t do tender. He never has before. But I have a feeling that I will do a lot of things I never used to. And the scary thing is that I don’t think I mind. I break the kiss and see Justin smile.

 

No, I don’t think I mind at all. 

 

JUSTINS POV

 

I hate to leave him. I don’t want to. I get up reluctantly and smile down at him a bit sadly.

 

(BRIANS POV : His profile cuts through the orange skies and it takes my breath away.His blond strands are littered with yellow stars and I drown in his blue eyes. I can’t believe his beauty.)

 

He gets up, takes my hand and pulls me with him.” I’ll take you home.” I beam up at him. My heart floats at the prospect of getting to keep him a little longer. Maybe he gets to keep me – I don’t give a fuck and just keep smiling.

 

The ride back home is filled with a comfortable silence, with the both of us looking at eachother out of the corners of our eyes, followed by a slight smile. The joy of being together is bittersweet, because

with every glance, and  
every smile

 

our time together is one step closer to ending. He pulls the car to the side of the road and I unbuckle my seatbelt and look at him. We stare at eachother for a few moments, until he rolls his lips into his mouth and grins.

 

“I’ll walk you to your door.”

 

BRIANS POV

 

He laughs. “okay.”

 

I can’t leave him, I can’t. I take his hand in mine (I need to feel him close to me). We cross the road to what I assume is his door and we are about to end our time together with one final kiss, when we hear a cry from inside the house, followed by loud wailing. 

 

Justins face turns white and he frantically tries to open the closed door, dropping his keys because of his hands that are shaking like leaves. I bend to pick them up and open the door as he holds onto me for dear life. When it finally sways open, he rushes inside with me following. 

 

I’m not prepared for what I see. Debbie’s crying hysterically into the shoulder of her husband, whose cheeks are stained by fallen tears, and Ben is staring blancly in front of him, handing Justin a lettre when he reaches the couch. 

 

I am not sure if I should be here, if I should see these private emotions laying thick all over the livingroom, hearts shattering on the floor. Justin, for some reason, can feel my appease and walks over to me, while reading the words written on that silly piece of paper. He raises his eyes to mine for just a second, croaks out the word ‘stay’, then takes my hand and pulls me down with him. 

 

I can feel, rather than see, his tears threatening to spill, so I reach my both arms around him and pull him into me. He starts sobbing in my chest, while handing me the paper to read. 

 

Juli 25th, 2001

Mom, Dad, Ben and Jus.

Er – hey guys. It’s weird to be writing a lettre to you, since I never have written one before, so I don’t really know where to start. I love you, I really do, it’s just not – love. You know, the exciting, makes-your-heart-beat-out-of-your-chest-kind of thing. That ‘can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kinda stuff.’ You remember that,Justin? We used to watch the movie like a zillion times, and we never tired of it. 

Anyway, I’ve found that kind with Ethan. He loves me. He does. And I love him. You know what I’m like once I set my mind on something...But Ethan said we can’t be together in the Pitts. Something about old ghosts haunting him. I tell you, my man doesn’t make a lot of sense sometimes, but when he does, he’s bloody brilliant. I don’t know where we’re going, but anywhere he is’ll be home for me. I’ll try and let you know something when we’re settled down, but I don’t know when that’ll be.

I’ll never forget you guys and I’ll miss you, when I have the time for it at least.* giggles *

Lots of love,

Emm.

Oh, by the way, Justin, Ethan asked me to ask you to say hi to Brian for him. Okay, taraa!

 

I – 

“This is all my fa –“ Justin pushes his finger to my lips. “No, Brian. Don’t you dare blame this on yourself.” I pull him tighter against me. “Why else would he do this Justin? He’s repaying me through my only weakness.” “Which is?” I shake my head. “You. He’s hurting you to hurt me. I can’t believe he’d do that, I just – “

“BRIAN!” I open my eyes, that had been closed while I was ranting. He kisses me. “It’s him. It’s him. Not you.” I shake my head disbelievingly and whisper in his ear : “I promise it’s going to be alright.” His head goes up and down on my chest and I look towards his father, who looks like he’s going to crack any moment now. It’d be best if his wife were not to witness that. I look at him, my eyesbrow raised, with a small nod and Vic returns that nod with several small ones. 

 

I kiss Justins forehead. “ I’m gonna take care of your mom, I’ll be right back. ” He looks up suprised, but allows me to slip away.I walk over to Debbie and take her hand. “ Hey.” She turns around and notices me, smiling sadly. “ Hi. Who the fuck are you?” I grin at her, press my mouth close to her ear and whisper: “I’m the man who’s in love with Justin.” I look back at her eyes. “ Just don’t tell him yet.” I hold her at shoulderslength with my eyes wide and eyebrows raised, silently telling her that she’s the only one who knows. It’s a secret.

 

A smile – a real one – shines through when she says : “Alright then.”


	9. Toddotales

  
Author's notes: I'm sorry it took me so long. Damn that school of mine...Please review if you can....xxxL.  
  
dedicated to Helen, the greek goddess.  


* * *

BRIANS POV

 

After taking care of Debbie, I walk back downstairs. The feeling of guilt has not left me yet, and I doubt it will. I know that I can fix this. I know that I have to.

 

Let’s see what we know. We know that Emmett followed Ethan willingly and out of love, but that Ethan doesn’t love him one bit. We know that Emmett will get hurt. But we also know That Ian’s a unimaginative little fucker so he’ll probably take his newfound toy to the same place he took – 

 

I open my cellphone and dial the familiar number. “Hello,” a girls voice answers. “Hi honey, it’s me. I sort of need a favor, but I need to see you to ask...Could I come over?” I can feel her nodding cautiously on the other side. “Yeah, sure. I’m free tomorrow. I assume you’re going to be alone?” She grins, but I laugh. “Actually, that was sort of another part of the favor. I was wondering if I could introduce someone to you?” She frowns (I know her too well). “Er – I gu ess…” My lips turn up into a small smile. “Thanks hun’, you’re the best. Would you mind putting that glorious son of yours on the phone?” I need to hear him right now, knowing that at least something good’s come out of Ethans bull. I hear Lindsay putting the phone down on her breakfastcounter and calling her little man. Little feet running on the hardwood floor. Tick tick tick ... 

“UKKIE” an excited voice screams.  
“ Hey there little man, how’s my favorite toddler doing?” I ask, realizing to late that he has no fucking idea what a toddler is...

“Whoz tha?”   
I laugh. “ That’s you silly!”  
“Oh.” I grin.  
“ MAMMA UKKIE SAY I’M A TODDO!” He screams at his mommy, not bothering to hold the receiver a bit further, as a consequence I just hold the phone away from my fragile ear. 

“Is that right, honey?” I hear Lindz coming closer and realize my toddo-time is up.   
“ BYEEEEEEEEEEEE UKKIEEEEEEEE!”   
“ Bye toddo, I love you very much.”

 

“ Brian?”   
“ Yeah, still here.”  
“ Come at about 5 o’ clock, I’ll cook you guys dinner. He – is a guy right?” She snickers.   
“ Oh yeah. Thanks Lindz I owe you. ”  
“ Nah, every chance I get to see my bro’ is fine with me. I love you Bri.”  
“ Love ya to, sugarpie honeybunch, a booboo boo a booo booo boooh!... “ I start making babynoises and she start laughing and disconnects.

*

I stayed the night at Justins place, sleeping/lying awake on the couch. If he needed me, I’d be there. This was no time to think of sex. This is a time of holding. Embracing the other one and his sadness. I’d told him I’d be taking him somewhere today. He just nodded and went to bed. About three hours later I heard somebody come down the stairs and immediately I knew it was him, my heart never fails to sense his nearness. I opened up my arms and he gratefully snuggled in them, opening his eyes a little and looking right at me. “Hey Brian, “ he whispered, “ I – “ I nodded and kissed the top of his head, before letting our eyes meet. “ Yeah.” I replied. “ Me too.”

 

We fell asleep like that with him shivering sometimes in his sleep, and me hugging him closer.

 

So here we are, standing at my sisters house. In front of her mailbox, and the green bow she has as an entrance to her garden. I see Justin smile out of the corners of my eyes and I link our hands before walking towards the door. “ Brian, I – I’m a bit nervous I guess.“ he says quickly. “ Don’t be.” I kiss him. “Linds is the best, she’s like me, but in a female version. She’s really nice aand she’ll love you.” I squeeze his hand and he nods, so I knock on the door. 

 

JUSTINS POV

 

I’m really nervous about meeting his sister. That is, until she opens that door and smiles at me. I can’t help but think ‘Wow.’ “Hi,” She says, “I’m Lindsay, Mr. Assholes little sister.” She rolls her eyes than looks approvingly at our linked hands and raises an eyebrow at Brian. He clears his throat and grins : “I’ve missed you too, you little twat. Meet Justin. Justin – my sister Lindsay.” I smile at her, say hi and she ushers us in, where we are greeted by a little toddler, running as fast as his legs can carry towards us. And to our suprise he leaps straight into my arms and giggles: “Hi Mizteur. I’m Gus, a toddo.” He sticks his thumb in his mouth and waves his other hand enthusiastically. I smile one of my brightest smiles and answer him : “Well, Hi Gus the Toddo, I’m Justin.” He touches my face with his free hand and whispers in my ear : “Are you a todo too?” I shake my head. “Nah, that title is reserved for the best boys in the whole world. I’m a silly grown-up.” He beams up at Brian.

 

“You hear that Ukkie? I’m a good boy.” I raise my eyebrow at Brian at hearing the little nickname and mouth ‘Ukkie’? He grins and mouths back ‘shut up.’

 

“ Mamma, can I show Jus my teddies?” the little urchin asks his mother and I look at her apologetically. She smiles and nods her head. “You go ahead, honey, but behave, okay?” He nods furiously. “Down, Jus. Down!” I put him on the ground and he grabs my hand, leading me to his room, like the big boy he is.

 

BRIANS POV

 

Linds turns towards me. “Wow.” She says. I nod and smile a little. “You love him, huh?” She knows me too well. I croak out a hoarse ‘yeah’ and her eyes go wide when she asks : “Does he know?” I shake my head. “Not – yet.” She laughs quietly, and her eyes shine with unspoken pride. 

 

“So. That favor of yours?” She asks, suddenly serious again. I sigh, not really wanting to bring this up, but knowing I have to, to save Justins family from any further harm. “He’s done it again.” She pales and has to sit down on the couch, not trusting her legs to support the weight of her. “To Justin?” I shake my head. “His brother, not sixteen yet. And it’s all my fault. He’s in love with Justin, but then – so am I. He’s hurting Emmett to hurt Justin, to hurt me. Emmetts last words to his family were : ‘Justin, tell Brian Ethan says hi.’ ” I shake my head sadly and feel her hand on my shoulder, when I should be supporting HER after all the things she’s been through.” She takes a breath.

 

“We’ll fix this, Brian. I promise.”


	10. On The Horizon

  
Author's notes: Sorry! Really, truly sorry for the delay. But, I have vacation, so I'm gonna update and update, and update some more. I will...   


* * *

BRIANS POV

After dinner and lots of kisses from both Lindsay and Gus, we make it to the car, buckle up and stare ahead of us. I look at Justin and realize the smile plastered on his face even transcends mine. He’s positively glowing. 

 

“Well,” I offer him a sideways grin, my eyes sparkling, “ you certainly have a way with Kinney men, Justin.” My hand finds its way to the back of his neck, feeling the glow slides over my hand as he turns towards me.

 

“I do, huh?” He asks incredeously.

 

I kiss him softly and nod against the side of his face. “Uhu.” My lips travel back to their favorite location (his LIPS) and when his mouth smiles around them, we bump our heads together. I cry out in – suprise (I’m Brian Kinney... no wuss, I don’t do pain – at least not this sort of pain). 

 

I earn a grin from him. “Aww, poor baby...” He laughs while his hands envelop my face and he kisses the booboo away.

* flashback

“He took me to New York,” she says, tears welling up in her eyes, past emotions haunting her. She looks at her son, who chatting idly and smiles sadly. I follow her gaze and see Justin holding the little boy in his arms while reading him his favorite story (the one I myself know backwards and forwards, about the mouse who wants to travel the world, but never leaves her attic). My heart starts to beat fastly, a song inside my chest. I memorize this moment and lock it in my mind. Etch it in a part of my body that holds the most beautiful things. 

 

I have a soft side that few people know about. Few have seen. The people in this room plus one. 

 

“At least some good’s come out of it,” I murmur and she rests her head on my shoulder, nodding slowly. I pull her close as we continue to watch our boys together.

 

flashback / *

 

“I have to go.” I tell him for the zillionth time. He doesn’t loosen his grip on me and I sigh. The same reaction I’d gotten every time before. I kiss his forhead and start mumbling next to his ear. “It’s not that I want to, you know. I have to.”

 

I can feel his raising his eyebrows. “Really?” His voice sounds full of hope. 

 

I roll my eyes. “ Uh – yeah. Believe me, Justin, I’d rather stay here with you.” I press a kiss to his eyes. “ Come on, give me one of those Sunshine smiles of yours..” I get one.

 

“You know, my mom calls me that..” he says with his eyebrows still raised, not believing for a second my nickname for his smiles was randomly chosen.

 

“I see her point. I’d call you that too, if she hadn’t claimed the nickname first.” I sulk. He raises his eyes to mine and utters sincerely : “You can...” Those blues of his become teary and I realize that this is a big deal to him. I feel the butterflies sizzling in my insides.

 

We kiss and kiss, until the sun colours the sky a light red. I race to the horizon, with his last words (whispered next to my eyes) echoing in my head and heart.

 

“I love you.”

 

And now – bring me that horizon.


	11. Making Things (Right)

  
Author's notes: I'm sorry you had to wait. I'll update two chapters tonight. I'm gonna write more though, I think.xxxL  


* * *

JUSTINS POV  
   
   
He left me for a couple of hours and I already miss him. I miss his eyes, his nose, his lips, that cute little frown he gets while thinking...He was so considerate of my mom the other day, helping her up the stairs. He made me smile through all the tears. He’s so – amazing. But he has his pride. The pride of Brian.  
   
   
I love him.  
   
   
I wonder why he went to New York. Probably something for work. He’s very succesful, you know!  
   
   
I think about the time we had at Lindsays. She’s soo great. She gave me her phonenumber to call anytime I –  
   
   
“Hello this is Lindsay Kinney...” a cheerful female voice answers the phone.  
   
“Hi Lindsay this is Justin, I don’t know if you remember me, but...” I sound nervous. Why am I nervous? Oh, right. This is his sister...  
   
“ Oh yeah, of course I remember you, Justin, what’s up?”  
   
I smile. “ Your brother’s been gone for a couple of hours and I – miss him.” I giggle. “God, that sounds so teenage crush. I feel like some starry-eyed highschool kid right now.”  
   
She laughs. “Well, my brother’s never had thát effect on anybody before...You wanna come over?”  
   
I nod furiously. “I would love to.”  
   
   
*  
   
   
Five hours later I leave her house again after an afternoon full of laughs and conversations, a little toddo by our side. Lindsay’s a History of art-major, and when she found out that I’m an artist, she went fucking ballistic and demanded to see some of my work. I rolled my eyes and pulled out my sketchbook, showing her some of my sketches (the most popular subject was wellknown to her – Brian, duh!) and she was amazed by them. I blushed. A lot.  
   
   
Afterwards the sketchbook lay open on my lap and subconsciously I drew a portrait of their little family : Brian resting his hand on Lindsays shoulder, smiling down at her with Gus sitting on her lap, looking up at both of them with huge eyes, full of laughter and love. Lindsay herself stared in front of her, a smile tugging at her lips.  
   
   
Lindsays eyes started to shine with tears when she realized what I’d drawn. “Can I– ”she whispered, her voice breaking. I smiled one of my authentic smiles.  
   
   
“Of course you can! Hell, it’s the least I can do for everything your family’s given me already.” My eyes met hers as I handed her the sheet of paper and she nodded with a grin.  
   
   
“You love him don’t you?” I do, I do. My heart is beating so loud every time he’s near and I can’t think rationally anymore. I can only feel this overwhelming love I have. for him.  
   
   
“More than I ever thought possible.” One of my ‘Sunshinesmiles’ slipped out and Gus crawled on my lap.  
   
   
“I like you’ laugh.” he giggles, his little hands trying to capture the smile, like – to put it in a jar and never let it go again.  
   
   
“You know who put it there?” He shook his head, his hands still clasped together (the smile couldn’t escape, now could it?). I grinned softly at him. “Your Ukkie.” I winked at Lindsay, then turned back to Gus, who was looking at me with eyes full of pride and questions.  
   
   
“Bu –” his voice hushed, not quite whispering. “He not here, Jus.”  
   
I looked at him strangely and answered, my voice sounding as logical as possible. “Sure he is.” I took his little hand (the one he **hadn’t** been drooling on) and put it over my heart. “In here.” I let it travel across his own lithe body and – finding his heartbeat – “in here.”  
   
   
The little toddlers mouth was opened a little, his eyes turned to understanding. “He with Mamma too?” I nodded and he leapt out of my arms into his mammas, with her heart and his Ukkie to sing him to sleep.  
   
   
*  
   
   
BRIANS POV  
   
   
I round the corner of the street Lindsay told me he’d be. The place he took her all those years ago. I can almost feel her heart breaking in this very street, behind the upper window of a twostorybuilding, the dust drawing patterns on the wooden floor. She slings her arms around her stomach, already showing, and licks the tears that fall into her mouth. She cries and her desparation cuts through the walls. And I wasn’t there.  
   
I was searching, without a clue. But now I have one. And I’ll nail the motherfucker.  
   
   
Knowing he’d never answer the door, I climb up the fire-escape and push my way through the window, glass shattering and cutting my skin. A shadowy figure jumps up from a pathetic excuse for a bed and stalks towards me.  
   
   
“What the fuck are you doing?” He starts yelling. “Ethan? Ethan! Some guy just jumped through the window, he’s fucking INSANE !” The guy scrambles his clothes together and backs off, until his body is pressed against the wall. Wow, Ethan, you couldn’t even keep your promise of eternal love for one lousy week? Thumbs up...  
   
   
I hear a snort coming from the other room and see the fool I’m looking for standing in the doorway. He grins. “I was wondering when you’d be here...So soon? Justin boring already?” He tips his face in an act of semi-innocence and it makes me want to vomit. Or punch the living shit out of him.  
   
   
I growl. “You leave him out of this, you hear me?!” I threaten. He laughs bitterly.  
   
   
“Why the fuck would I do that? Isn’t he the reason all of this” he shows around the room, “started again? I would have made up, Brian, I would have. If you would have kept your grubby hands off of the one piece of ass I was interested in. The one little moneymaking oppurtunity that Shithole had to offer..” Moneymaking? What the -? “Aah, doesn’t matter now, old fella. I got his little brother to whore for me. It runs in the family, I guess...” He smiles.  
   
   
And then my hands are on him, punching him in the gut, his trick shouting at me to stop and pulling me off of Ethan. That’s when he sees his chance and start pounding in on me. The blood runs down my face and I wipe at it, the metalic taste filling my mouth. I grab his hands and yank at them with all the strength I can muster. He flies across the room and with some final kicks I finish him. He’s not dead, I’m no killer. He’s just unconscious. Let him feel the pain he put us through.  
   
   
The trick’s shaking in the corner of the room and I kneel down to his eyelevel and ask him : “You know where Emmett is?” The trick nods. “C- Corner of 21st and 2nd . Pl-please don’t hurt me...I – I didn’t..didn’t...” I pat his back.  
   
“I won’t. I’m sorry. He just – hurt everyone I love.” The trick nods. “He’s a bastard...” I huff. “Yeah. He is.”  
   
   
*  
   
I find Emmett exactly where the trick said he would be and gather all my strength to step up to him. He looks at me and shakes his head : “Oh, Sweetie, what the hell have you done...” He lifts my head up and looks into my eyes. “You seem familiar, stranger.” I nod.  
   
   
“I’m the man who’s in love with your brother. I’ve come to take you home.” A look of relief washes over his face, only to be pushed off by doubt and fear.  
   
   
“Ethan –” He whispers. I shake my head and smile. “I took care of him.” His face turns to understanding and he points at my cuts and bruises, the blood still running. I blink.  
   
   
“Let’s get out of here, shall we?” I ask him with a light tone, battering my eyelashes..  
   
He giggles. “What a marvelous plan.” He takes my arm and together we walk into the sunset, ready to begin our journey home.


	12. Jigsaw

  
Author's notes: Please let me know how you feel about this chapter...I'm very nervous about what you will think about this one...xxxL.  


* * *

JUSTINS POV  
   
I lie on my bed, sketching – Brian, who else – and staring intently at my phone. He hasn’t called. Why hasn’t he called? Is his cock buried in some tricks ass? Did he forget about me? Did he – oh God, did he find someone else? My head swims with thoughts and worries when I hear yelling downstairs. My mom is crying and yelling, my dad is talking loudly and I – God, I don’t hear Ben. What happened? What the hell is going on now? I run down the stairs and trip, falling into familiar arms. Brian. I hug him tight and feel him wince. It is only then I notice the blood, dried on his neck. I let go of him and look at his arms, his face and finally ... into his eyes. “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!”  
   
He chuckles. “Nice to see you too.” My tears start to cloud my vision and he coccoons my head in his hands. “Hey,” he says, kissing me lightly on the lips. “I’m fine.” I can’t say anything. I can’t get the words to come out of my mouth. I shake my head. And that’s the moment I notice the other person who came home. Brian puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me to my brother.  
   
   
“I – ” Emmett laughs. “Wow, you’re enthusiastic, honey. Miss me?” He asks, so innocently, as if he’s just been on vacation. I laugh. “Yeaaah!” I sing-song. We hug and he whispers into my ear : “You’re lucky to have Brian..If he hadn’t come to get me, I don’t know what...” We both look at Brian adoringly and he blinks a few times. “WHAT?”  
   
I walk over to him and kiss him passionately, with tears in my eyes. I draw a deep breath. “I love you so much...” He smiles a Sunshine smile at me. “Hey!” I yell apalled. “That was one of my smiles, fucker!”  
   
   
He laughs shyly. “Wait,” he murmurs, his lips closing in on mine. “I’ll give it back.” And then he does.  
   
*  
   
   
We’re sitting on my bed and I bring the warm washcloth to his face, pressing it against a cut. He yelps. “Shit, that fucking stings.” I nod lovingly.  
   
“I know...You should’ve told me you were going to him, Brian, so that I could’ve been scared for you.” Brian bows his head in guilt, but supports a crooked grin. I exhale. “Thank you.”  
   
   
He raises his eyes to mine and holds the washcloth and my hand to his face, his hand sheltering them. His eyelids slip closed for a second and when he opens them, he sighs and whispers, his voice raw with emotion. “I love you.”  
   
   
My heart bursts in the best way possible and I continue to look at him, constantly on the verge of tears. He takes the cloth out of my hand and replaces it with his, interlacing his fingers with mine. They fit together perfectly and I long to fit with him in every possible way. Our other digits find their way towards eachother and we are bound together.  
   
Our lips meet. The softness of both sets melts together and our tongues begin to dance. I breathe in sharply through my nose and squeeze my eyes shut. Not seeing. Feeling. I feel – wonder.beauty.love.  
   
   
I open them again and see those hazel eyes. Disconnect our lips to whisper. “Brian. I want to fit with you...” I press my body closer to his and he understands. His eyes turn tender and that’s the way he kisses me. Tenderly.  
   
   
   
There is no sound in the room except for the sirens wailing outside, the cars honking and our breathing and kisses.  
   
There is no feeling but wholeness. Him inside of me. We fit, just as I knew we would.  
   
           



	13. Sunrise

  
Author's notes: Okay, here I am again! With a new chapter...Reviews are loved.   


* * *

BRIANS POV

Morning comes. The light of morningsun colours the curtains a soft orange and dances across Justins face, making him smile and turn up his nose. His eyelids flutter open and he combs his hand through his hair, that has turned to gold. How marvelous, waking up like this. I pull him closer - if that's possible - and breathe his name. I hold him for several moments. - fuck, who'd have thought that I'd ever want to _cuddle_ a man after several times of _making love_ \- The old Brian would have puked his guts out by now. The real Brian would tell him to shut up and pull his lover close, folding him into his arms.So that's what I do.

  
We hear heavy footsteps on the old wooden stair leading to our floor. Justin groans. "Ugh. No - " shaking his head and burying it deeper into my chest. I laugh.

"Let me guess - your mom?" He nods 'painfully' and hides under the covers. I follow him there and mumble: "What the fuck are you trying to do?"

He opens his eyes, giggles and whispers: "Shh. I'm not here."

I roll my eyes and a smile tugs at my lips. "Uhu. Yeah - she'll totally believe that..." My eyes are open wide and I'm seemingly innocent and *really* believe the shit I'm spouting. He grins and kisses me.

"Shut up. Who knows - maybe it'll work someday.Yo-" His bedroomdoor flies open and -as I peek out under the covers - reveals the impressive silhouette of Debbie.    

  
"Goodmorning, Sunshine, 'morning, Dove.It is A lovely day...Get your asses out of bed!" Her voice was like *groan* - loud BANGING in our fragile morningears. Silence returns.Aargh, blessed blessed silence. That's when it sinks in..What the Fuck? She - she called me.. Justin snickers. 

"Seems like you've gotten yourself a new nickname.." I smirk. "Dove? Excuse me, Sunshine, but how do I look like a fucking bird?" He laughs. "I'm sure she has her reasons."

  
I roll my eyes.Yeah - sure she has.

JUSTINS POV

  
He looks so cute, sulking because of his new nickname. I'd have to agree with him though. Doves are so...so...so not Brian Kinney-like.I pull at his bottomlip, that had been sticking out while pouting, and push the covers off of us. We shiver when the 'cold' touches our skin and cuddle up together, warm and content.

(BRIANS POV : I can feel his heart beating against mine and it soothes me.)

I trail featherlight kisses all over his chest, press my lips to his one final time and get out of the bed. He groans and rolls over on his stomach. Huh - apparently not a morning person. I laugh and walk downstairs. My mom raises her eyebrow as I kiss her. "How's our guest doing?" 

I take a mouthful of cornflakes and tell her : "He demands a new nickname.."

She snorts. "The fuck he does! - Honey don't talk with your mouth full - What's wrong with this one?" I swallow.

"Mom. Doves shit on peoples heads." She rolls her eyes and sighs.

"Doves - are sweet. He - is sweet..See the fucking resemblance? Anyway, what nickname would be acceptable for his Royal Highness?"

  
"That would do just fine..." Brians coming down the stairs grinning and I beam up at him. He smiles back and walks over to my mom and kisses her on the cheek, while she hits him up the head affectionately. He grumbles. "Goodmorning to you too, Deb.", running his hand up the back of his head. He takes out the chair next to mine and sits down. I look at him as he does it all. His muscles working, his lips pouting and his eyes shining as he looks into mine. I blush and laugh. 

"Quit staring at me, you're making me fucking nervous." He kisses my nose. Wow- he's really sweet in the morning..

  
"Seee!" My mom yells triumphantically. "If that's not as sweet as a dove, I...ugh." She throws her hands up in the air. Brian grinns and heaves a sigh.

"Fine. Okay? Fine. I can see it's futile to try and fight you on this one, so -fine. I give up." I look at my mom and we both burst into laughter, leaving Brian to look defeated, but smiling. I stand up and throw my arms around his neck. Press a kiss next to his ear and whisper : "That's a wise decision."

  
BRIANS POV

  
I pull him down on my lap and kiss him hard, Debbie giggling - yeah, *giggling* - and crying : "For fucks sake, get a room, you two!" So I pull the both of us off of the chair and take us - never breaking the kiss - back to bed.  
  


	14. Always/Epilogue

  
Author's notes:

This is the last chapter.

Ooh, I always feel so sad parting with my stories... Thanks to everybody who reviewed on this one, it really means a lot to me.

* * *

BRIANS POV

_flashback_ __

Michael skipped to his room, leaving Brian alone once again. He fell backwards onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, studying the cracks and thinking about - stuff. He'd never admit to anyone what he'd think about at times like these. He'd dream about someone to laugh with, to hold, to touch in thát particular way that only lovers have with each other. Tricks were - satisfactional for his needs. His dreams however, had yet to be fulfilled. He buried his head in his hands. Not that he'd find anything like that here in the Pitts.

__

10 months later 

I fall backwards onto my bed and stared at the cracks in the ceiling. Close my eyes and feel the bed shift under added weight. I crack one eye open and smile at the reason of it. 

The reason of it all.

He manages to roll himself into my arms - he's such a clever devil - and I kiss the top of his head. Wrap my arms around him, pulling him into me and I feel whole again.

  
We'll always fit together.   


 


End file.
